That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize