my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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