its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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