I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We left an ass print on the piano.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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