I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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