I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize