I'm really into asian looking animals
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
