we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
