u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
