Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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