ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
