Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
