"it" just moved
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
