eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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