she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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