Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
