My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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