so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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