I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
