Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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