Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
