Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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