Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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