You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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