Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
