Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
