I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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