East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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