she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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