Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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