all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
