Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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