I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
