i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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