hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
