So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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