I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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