Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
