I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
