i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
