hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
