Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
