Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He better not be in your backpack
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
