i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
