We're facebook friends in real life
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
