summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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