last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
