just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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