Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
