I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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