my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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