just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
