I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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