What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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