Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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