Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
