Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
