Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
