I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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