i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
