highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want her autograph on my taint
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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