He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
