Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
