She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
