Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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