I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
