Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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