I just made out with a guy for $7.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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