i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he thought i was a dude.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
