I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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