he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
