i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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