i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just blew my weed a kiss
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
