im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
