Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
