i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Someone came in the potted fern
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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