we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
