He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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