just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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