The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
