Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
worst night to have a conscience
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
