community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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