dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it's great music for shaving your balls
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Randomize
