im having a threesome with these popsicles
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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