you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
