Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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