can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
