Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
