PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
