I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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