I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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