I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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