Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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