i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We are two peas in an std pod
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
