smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
