But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
