You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
