can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
