I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
