I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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