hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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