She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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