Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
