after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
