Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
