hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Randomize
