Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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