my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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