You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
